How long will it be before you can get through your daily routine without feeling the wave of pain sweep over you, without sensing that knot in the pit of your stomach, without dwelling on what went wrong? If these are some of the questions you are asking yourself, you are not alone.
A broken heart can cause such an intense reaction that many of us feel our lives have been completely stripped of meaning. Jobs, hobbies, and friends no longer hold any joy for us. In fact, some even experience physical pain with a tight chest, nervous stomach, or terrible insomnia.
Time heals all wounds is what we have all heard over the years, but do you really have to wait for time to heal these wounds? Absolutely not. There are exercises that you can do to experience remarkable relief to your pain. They were developed by people who have been in this pain and sought a better way to heal.
Whether you are 22 or 62, the first step is to determine from which type of broken heart you currently suffer. That’s right – there are actually 4 different types of broken hearts. Several factors determine the type broken heart from which you may suffer including your relationship history, the type of relationship, the reasons for the break-up, and many more. Once we know where your heart stands, we can give you customized healing advice.
Ok, so where should you start? Start with the first healing step – the survey – to see where you stand. There are 15-questions and the entire survey can be completed in about 2 minutes. If your ready to see which of the 4 types of broken heart you suffer from, then let’s go.
Ready? Take the survey.
Time heals all wounds is what we have all heard over the years, but do you really have to wait for time to heal these wounds? Absolutely not. There are exercises that you can do to experience remarkable relief to your pain. They were developed by people who have been in this pain and sought a better way to heal.
Whether you are 22 or 62, the first step is to determine from which type of broken heart you currently suffer. That’s right – there are actually 4 different types of broken hearts. Several factors determine the type broken heart from which you may suffer including your relationship history, the type of relationship, the reasons for the break-up, and many more. Once we know where your heart stands, we can give you customized healing advice.
Ok, so where should you start? Start with the first healing step – the survey – to see where you stand. There are 15-questions and the entire survey can be completed in about 2 minutes. If your ready to see which of the 4 types of broken heart you suffer from, then let’s go.
Ready? Take the survey.
“Changing the destructive things you say to yourself when you experience the setbacks that life deals all of us is the central skill of optimism.” -Dr. Martin Seligman, former President of The American Psychological Association and the founding father of Positive Psychology.
I felt my heart ripped out of my chest and my world turned upside after the divorce. At the time, a close friend advised, “Positive thinking, Amelie – it’s what will get you through this.”I nodded. While I loved her care and best intentions, I wanted to scream, “Are you kidding me?! Haven’t you ever lost love in your life? Don’t you understand your advice to think positively is an impossible mission?”
You may have friends and family that mean well, but give you the advice to embrace positive thinking. The problem is that our mind has a tendency to play a soundtrack of repeating negative thoughts after a break up. The recurring negativity may sound something like this:
“I’m going to be alone forever.”
“I must be doing something wrong – this keeps happening.”
“I’m never going to feel that way again.”
Sound familiar?
Canceling out these negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones is not an easy task; however, as your friends, family, and even inner self recognizes, the practice of positive thinking will help you take a tremendous step on the path towards healing.
So, how do you do it?
Forget positive thinking for a moment and focus instead on what I call positive speaking. The story you tell yourself and the world – the power of these words – has an incredible impact on your emotional state. So, change your story. Replace your negativity with positivity. Wait, isn’t this the same thing as positive thinking? No! Wait, am I asking you to say things you actually don’t believe? No! Let me give you an example. [click to continue…]
After your break up, you may be saying to yourself and others, “I’m never going to get over this. Everything in my life is terrible.” You may feel this is a way of venting your pain; however, expressing the sentiment in such a permanent and exaggerated form is actually going to perpetuate your suffering.
I understand you may have lost the person your love, the one other person in the world that you could rely on, and the one you called your soulmate. I understand this pain, because I have been there myself. In light of this, I can tell you with confidence that you will feel better. I can tell you without a doubt, these feelings will pass. In fact, you do not just have to wait for time to go by to heal your wounds – there are actions you can take to help relieve your pain and one of them includes positive speaking.
To begin the process of positive speaking, sit quietly and listen to your inner voice. You will hear hope inside of yourself – hope to feel better and rekindle the spirit of your dreams. Please respect this hope. Your being and spirit do not truly believe that you will never heal from this break up. Do not let your pain overtake your drive for peace, hope, dreams, and to live your life once again with burning passion.
Start speaking in a more realistic, positive manner. Reevaluate your exaggerated feelings and words, and instead, start speaking about your challenges as they truly are: temporary and isolated to a particular part of your life. In changing the words you speak out loud, you will change the words you speak internally. Hence, your positive speaking will influence your internal dialogue and produce positive thinking.
Replace your original statement: “I’m never going to get over this.”With a more positive statement: “My pain is temporary and there is hope for the future.”Replace your original statement: “Everything in my life is terrible.”With a more realistic statement: “This break up is a huge challenge in my life, but I am grateful for my children [or insert something for which you are still grateful].”
• In my teens, I’ll get into a good college or get a good job.• In my early twenties, my career will start to take off.
• By my mid-twenties, I will meet the person of my dreams.
• In my thirties, I will be married and have 2.2 beautiful children.
• In my forties, I’ll be running the company for which I’ve been working.
• In my fifties, I’ll reflect back on my life and my grown children and smile.
• In my sixties, I’ll retire and travel the world.
Not only is our heart shattered, so too is our self-perception. It is critical to understand that the pain one feels after a break up is only partially due to the separation from our mate. What causes equal, if not greater, agony is dealing with our crushed dreams. Our dream to be a certain age and have accomplished certain things has been stolen. To overcome the challenge of heartbreak based on age related fears, we must face them head on.
Fear: I’m getting older and will be alone. So you are 35 or 45 or [insert your age] and you are alone. You are scared. This is natural. Many people have a fear of aging – period. Heck, the entire beauty industry thrives on our distaste for more age. When you mix the panic of being alone with an aversion of getting older, the combination results in a very potent fear.
Hope: On this website there are thousands of visitors (no exaggeration) in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, 60s that are looking to get over an old love in order to find a new one. You are not alone. The times have changed and people are looking to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As such, there is no dearth of available men and women. After you have gone through the stepped process for recovery and you are ready, you will begin dating again. Regardless of your age or whether you have had it in the past, true love will find you.
Fear: I am damaged goods. Almost all of us have had experiences which have left us feeling less than perfect; however, they are experiences, not who you are. I have always been puzzled by the statement, “I am divorced.” If this is your situation, remember, it is not a I am statement, it is an I have gone thru statement. No one is fundamentally flawed – especially not those who work actively to heal their wounds.
Hope: Absorb the power provided by an example. Find someone around you who has triumphed over adversity in their life. Find someone who has been dealt an unexpected hand and turned it around to their benefit. Ask them to tell you their story. If you don’t see anyone that fits the bill in your immediate surroundings, pick up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and read hundreds of inspiring stories. You will find that people do not become their bad experiences, rather they work through them and come out stronger. So will you.
Fear: This just was not supposed to happen to me at this age! This is a negative idea that races through the minds of many who endure a break up. The thought is rooted in the break from your grand life plan. Remember, you created that plan, but the universe has something better in store.
Hope: I have never, ever seen a case where someone who has embraced the changes in their life did not end up happier. You will too. Keep in mind that your past relationship(s) were not a waste of time. For many, they provided growth, sometimes beautiful children, and although it may not seem so, some good memories. Everything that has happened has made you who you are today and ahead awaits an even greater experience.
Remember: Please, please, please do not restrict your dreams. Your visions do not wish to be bound- especially to the confines of age. Paul Gaugin didn’t start painting til his mid-forties, Granda Moses in her seventies, Charles Darwin published his first book in his fifties, and Colonel Sanders founded KFC in his sixties. Age only matters if we allow it to matter. Dream bigger. Dream brighter. Set your dreams free today.
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