NY Resolutions We Can keep!

Haha.. at least here's something to laugh it OUT! hahahhahahhahahhahhaa

New Year Resolutions we CAN KEEP

• Spend more time watching TV/movies.
• Chat more over the internet.
• Read less.
• Put on at least 30 pounds.
• Stop exercising. Waste of time.
• Procrastinate more.
• Drink. Drink some more.
• Start being superstitious.
• Spend more time at work. Get less done.
• Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
• Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!

 

Truths of Life

1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2. One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
3. You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
4. Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
5. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
6. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
7. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
8. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
9. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
10. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
11. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
12. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
13. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
14. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
15. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
16. Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
17. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
18. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
19. You never ever run out of salt.
20. Old ladies can eat more than you think.
21. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
22. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
23. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
24. People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
25. In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

via : http://www.laughitout.com/#ixzz1AiXZ77C3