wishy washy

Have u ever wondered if life actually made you differently?? Have u ever had the thought that you would end up being another person if u actually hadn't taken that particular step?? Have u???


In somewhat ways; i actually do...
Didn't realize i was being in this state of mind until i cross a certain path... and a certain situation.. and for a brief moment; i actually had thought and wondered how it felt if life were actually not the way it is now... hmmm.. where would i be??? what would happened to me?? and most important of all- who am i at this state of point??

Yeah life has many courses and turns.. nevertheless; we make each decisions that turned to make our very own life path. and each lil decision actually creates our destiny and makes who we are on this world... as a being right on earth...

I guess tonight im more a ponderer person now;... life has taught me cruel and shameless lessons that each made me stronger.... and at times made me wondered if life can actually be really different if i hadn't taken a certain path that lead me to where i am at this very moment...

Im not just talking about life as overall.. also in love life.. the matters of the heart...

Funny when they say when things are meant to be meant to be; the way it was laid out for all of us like a destiny...
yes i agree so. but honestly don't u think the choices and decisions comes from us initially?? and aren't we the ones running on our very own course of decisions that made it all happened??

Perhaps my recent foolishness is getting to me lately. and yet that doesn't stop me from living my life nor stopping me from walking my head up high as if i hold the greatest secret or something... but i suppose every other ordinary human are just like me.. we all carry our pain inside.. and show a braver face outside... cos it seems just plain normal to smile and to hide such agony...

I guess sometimes i do wondered how fate intervenes in our life choices and decision making.. how one knows their decision is not solely based on current circumstances?? or on one's or another's influence?? how one knows that fate is behind every choices we make whether good or bad or even none?? how do one knows if fate is actually bringing us to the next one??

Sigh.. maybe this is the way it goes as i question life and wondered how life had been...
and maybe this is where im suppose to stand regardless if i had learnt something or decide or anything at all.. maybe this is where im meant to be... no matter which course i take or which choices i make..

Im hoping my next stop would be an ever after one.. despite everything; i still do have a leap of faith even being all these wishy washy for the last moments... moreover i am trying not to regret anything either.. cos no matter how much we question fate or how it was brought to us; truth is.. whether we want it or like it or not--- it is already bringing us to wherever we were meant to be and there's no stopping for it at all ... ~